Happy Valentines Day

On an extremely cold winter night in Philadelphia, I rode in the backseat of my mom’s Volvo whining excessively about going to McDonald’s. “Mom, I know exactly what I want when we get to McDonald’s” “French Fries and Chicken Nuggets!” Accompanied by the melodic childhood refrain “Are we there yet?” I was 6 years old, an only child and at least at that moment behaving like the biggest brat in the world. My mother didn’t respond. The rain was violently beating down on the windows of the station wagon and I was not concerned about anything real in the world like the possibility that we could hydroplane, all I wanted was McDonald's like she promised. So I repeated myself over and over again.

She slowed the car down at a stoplight and looked over at an old white woman at the bus stop. Her umbrella was flipping backwards over her head and she was trying desperately to hold onto it in the wind and rain. She had more bags than she could carry with ease. My mother opened the door and motioned towards the woman to invite her into the car. As the woman walked toward us, I exclaimed to my mother, “Are you nuts, you are telling her to get in our car. We don’t know her? And she’s all wet!” My mother quickly shushed me and the rain blew into my face from the open door as the woman adjusted herself in our car, which only irritated me more.

I was seething with anger. My mother introduced me to the woman and I sat with my arms folded. How could we stop a mission to McDonald's because of a stranger. We were on our way somewhere and this woman’s needs had interrupted our own. And what kind of Bozo was my mom inviting strangers into the car in the dark. What kind of threat could we be facing? My mother chatted with the woman and asked her where she was going and then proceeded to take her there. The woman thanked her profusely and got out of the car at her home. She offered my mother money, which she politely declined.

My mother looked in the backseat at me. I frowned and scowled at her. I said with all the evil I could muster “McDonald’s is Probably Closed Now!!!” I asked my mom, “Why’d you have to pick up that stupid lady?” My mom said, “because it was cold and rainy and we had a warm car” ………then she stopped talking……looked at me……and said…… “If I have to explain to you why I picked up someone in need, then you are not the person that I thought you were. You are acting selfish and mean and that is not how I want you to be. I am so embarrassed of you right now”. The tears ran down my face. We were silent on the way home.

That rainy night I learned that being a good person and a loving person wasn’t always the most convenient thing to do. Sometimes it would take you out of your way and change your own interest and plans. Today it got me thinking about love, in light of Valentines Day. Sometimes we miss the very point of love. We get all wrapped up in the trappings and the romance and forget that love is none of that. Those are just rituals. Love is when you surprise yourself by the ways you are willing to stretch for someone else. It is not doing the convenient things that serve your own interest or the trite things that are expected, but when you find that you are willing to do what you never thought you would do because it is just that important or just that necessary.

It took me several years to realize that my mom hadn’t picked that lady up solely for her benefit. At the end of the day, she had a daughter in the back seat who was learning from watching her. Who obviously thought she was automatically owed kindness and rewards and love. Because of that she had to stretch her goodness into the unexpected, she had to stretch selflessness out until it was in your face. Until that daughter would never forget that it is an embarrassment for the people who have loved and nurtured you for you to be a selfish asshole. A daughter who would recall the story when she would face inconvenient opportunities to be better than she was inclined to be? Thinking of ways to teach those that you love, how to love better and more richly, so that their lives can be enhanced is the greatest gift you can give.
Surprise yourself this Valentine’s Day!!!